The Hardest People to Lie to Know You the Best
by DragonMaster65
Summary: Eleanor hasn't always been the best person. She's trying now - really, honestly! - but it's tough to break the instinct to cover up for what she has done. [Oneshot] [5 1 things]


**A/N: Written for Yuletide 2019. Reveals opened by January, so I am finally cross-posting here. **

**Contains spoilers through to Season Four (up until the Hiatus. No Finale spoilers). **

* * *

The thing about Eleanor Shellstrop - the actual, Arizonian Dirtbag Eleanor, not Vicky's past persona - was that, for all her newfound moral compass she was still far too used to falling back on lies. They were smaller now or at least harmless. But boy did she have trouble trying to keep a straight face when she was caught.

* * *

**Lie the First**

"I did _not _try to hit on Simone!" Eleanor sputtered. One hand clutched a slim stemmed cocktail glass piled with stale shrimp puffs - the medium place version of the fresh cooked shrimp she had tried to get from Janet. The other was balled tightly into a fist.

Tahani huffed, unimpressed by Eleanor's indignance. At this point there was really no point to Eleanor attempting to maintain the charade. "You were so apparent even _Jason _asked if something had gone on between the pair of you," Tahani scoffed.

Red tinted Eleanor's cheeks. She slammed the glass onto Mindy's coffee table and folded her arms tightly over her chest. "It wouldn't affect the experiment. Not that I'm admitting that I even so much as thought about hitting on her," Eleanor insisted.

A look was exchanged between Janet and Tahani. "You've stated no less than fourteen times in the past week how "slammin" Simone looks, although your vocabulary choice has varied," Janet said.

Eleanor turned her face to meet Janet's eyeline. A wire thin smile was plastered across her lips. "Thank. You. Janet."

* * *

**Lie the Second**

Balloons covered the lofted apartment. Chidi looked visibly uncomfortable, although that wasn't really anything new. "This doesn't really feel necessary," he said.

"But it's fun, bro!" Jason crooned. His role this week was to play up, once again, his Jason-from-Jacksonville self to try and get Chidi to further offer help to the remaining trial subjects. "Birthday-Deathday Celebration!"

Eleanor watched through the screen on Michael's desk as Chidi massaged his temples with both hands. Adding more and more pressure to Chidi wasn't fair, but it was all they had to get him to ultimately take it upon himself to help Simone, Brent, John, and Jason improve as people. Subjecting him to Jason's full, unadulterated childishness was perhaps cruel, especially since Jason's improvement wouldn't even end up helping the experiment.

It did get Jason out of Eleanor's hair for a bit, though.

Tahani watched the screen as well from opposite Eleanor. Not being involved in the party planning was killing her. She looked nearly as upset as Chidi. "At least we don't have to deal with this kind of bullshirt anymore," Eleanor said.

"How do you mean?"

"Birthday parties," Eleanor explained. "They were always the worst, don't you think? When you're a kid you just want to have the most people show up or have the strongest finger traps to stick around Betsy Yost's stupid baby hands so she can't interrupt class for the fourth time. Then when you're an adult it's even worse. No one even thinks to bother with one unless you're a big deal. And then you're right back to the kid mentality of bigger, better, braggable. I definitely don't miss them at all."

She finished her rant by quickly ducking behind her clasped hands. Tahani tipped her head in pensive thought. She muted the screen between them. "You know," she started quietly, "I wouldn't mind planning a party for you, Eleanor. My good friend Pedro Pascal was a bit shy like yourself; he didn't want to seem like he was asking for people to pay attention to him but he wanted to be acknowledged as a real Hollywood man, you know?"

Eleanor stiffened. "That wasn't what I was saying," she mumbled. Tahani fell back against the seat gracelessly - well, as gracelessly as the six foot goddess could.

"It's difficult to try and be your friend and supporter, Eleanor," Tahani admitted.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them. On the screen, Chidi was hurriedly shoving balloons into closets, cabinets, and through doorways. Eleanor pushed the volume button once more, returning them to the room as John called and knocked anxiously for Chidi's attention.

* * *

**Lie the Third**

Jason actually was the next to call out Eleanor's lying, surprising everyone. Of course it had also involved his third favorite subject - molotovs and throwing of them thereof.

Michael was keeping him from using the flaming device, confiscating it with some resistance. "He deserves it, dawg!" Jason grunted. _He _in this instance was Derek. Tensions between the two had risen once more. Jason and Derek went together like oil and water. Or gasoline, a bandana, and an empty bottle of jaeger.

Eleanor shoved the apparently unaffected Derek into Mindy's direction. "We do _not _throw explosive devices at our problems, Jason!" she hissed. "Not when they might hit the freaky, glowing obelisk that is judging everything we're trying to accomplish!"

Jason flailed against Michael's arm, trying to reach the molotov still. Janet blipped over to relieve Michael of the device, disappearing in another soft noise. Once it was gone Jason calmed down, crestfallen and morose in Michael's arms.

"C'mon Eleanor. You know how great a molotov is for dealing with your problems," he whined. "Like Chris, your ex with the super flame-a-ble hair."

"Hair salon," Eleanor corrected. Then she sputtered and shook her head. "No! I do not condone trying to blow people up!"

"But you did," Jason countered. Michael let him go finally as Janet returned, molotov-free.

"That- ah- that doesn't sound right," Eleanor insisted. "You must be misremembering. Or maybe that was the old Earth timeline."

"Chris was your girlfriend right before you went to Australia in the second timeline, which was only an extension of your previous lives," Janet piped in cheerfully.

Eleanor glowered and whirled away with a spin of her heel.

* * *

**Lie the Fourth**

Chidi - poor, memory-less, sexy in khaki pants Chidi - could call Eleanor on her bullshirt even now. He just was a little too intimidated by the Architect of the Neighborhood to always voice his thoughts. Like now as he spied the leather-bound copy of one of Aristotle's lost books sitting nonchalantly underneath an empty glass that most definitely had contained a pomegranate and mint margarita, Eleanor's current flavor of choice. Yet the architect was suspiciously missing from the cafe.

A mere three minutes later, after Chidi had rescued the book from being marred by a permanent drink ring, Eleanor was swanning over to "just drop by" the cafe and say hi.

Chidi just smiled, idly patting his book and replying with a chipper acknowledgement that yes, finally, he had gotten his book back. He wouldn't need to be asking around for it anymore.

"Well that's good. I dunno who else would be into that dusty old thing, so it looks like its in better hands now."

* * *

**Lie the Fifth**

The countdown clock behind her desk was infuriating. Less than a week. Less than a _week _until judgement day. Literally.

Ha-ha judgement day. Sah-ruh Conner. Come with me if you want to live.

Yeah, Eleanor would like to live, please. She'd like to go back to not giving a damn about any other dirtbags beyond herself. It had been easier then, hadn't it? Scamming the old and the neglected out of their social security to try and buy more time with "Energeezze!" or "Bone Milk."

She was alone in Mindy's living room, chewing on her lip and agonizing over the almost literal cloud hanging over her head. It was behind her, actually. The word cloud slash dream board slash strategy planner that they had all designed to try and track down the best path for the end of the experiment. It haunted her in her dreams as of late.

Eleanor's eyes flicked from the countdown timer in front of her - 08:16:15:24, 23, 22… on and on and on - and the tiny corkboard adorned with each of the four human's faces and estimated point totals.

"It was easier when I didn't give a darn about any of you," Eleanor hissed. She didn't see John and Brent or even Simone though. Instead her thoughts were on the original group in all their cockroach-y glory.

It had to have been easier, right? Easier to just careen through life one altercation away from flipping the bird and yelling "See ya in hell, dickwad!" regardless of who was on the other end. Even before, whatever that meant in the non-timeline of the afterlife, it had been easier to deal with being a pawn in Michael's torture experiments.

Fork, maybe being in the actual Bad Place wouldn't have even seemed so bad for Eleanor.

She cradled her face between her fingertips, massaging the hot spots of tension that refused to go away. She hadn't been tense like this before dying. Hadn't cared like this before.

"It was easier to not care," Eleanor whispered to herself. Even she couldn't believe the lie.

* * *

**Truth**

They had a moment. Not long, but a moment. While the judge broke away to follow up with Good and Bad Place representatives to consider the fourth revision of Chidi's system suggestion they were finally allowed a moment alone to just… be.

Eleanor's shoulders slumped. There was a facade they all had put on within the judge's realm, particularly with Shaun slithering around and the Good Place committee tittering about. "I don't know how you're able to do all of this," Eleanor admitted.

Janet nodded. Even Jason clapped Chidi on the shoulder in agreement. "We're all trusting you," Tahani cheered.

"No pressure," Michael added.

Chidi exhaled heavily. He looked wiped in a way that Eleanor, even in the worst of the worst that Michael or herself had thrown at him, had never seen before. There remained still a spark smoldering behind his eyes, though, which gave her hope. It was why she'd pushed for him to be brought back. They needed him.

"You all make it worthwhile," he insisted. The corner of his lips turned upwards, a tiny smile among the greatest stress stomach ache of his afterlife. "Knowing what you all did - especially Eleanor, as the group leader - when I didn't have my memories. Knowing how you trusted me, how you believed in what we're fighting to have now. That's what makes this all worth it."

Eleanor reached across the bench to clasp her hand around his knee. "We wouldn't be where we are without you," she admitted. Turning, she looked at the rest of them. "All of you. At least, I wouldn't be. I'd still be some selfish bench from Arizona if you hadn't all been with me."

Tahani's lip trembled as she draped herself into an embrace about Eleanor. "Oh, Eleanor! That's about the nicest thing you've said in such a long time."

Jason, ever eloquent, merely gave Eleanor a fist bump and thumbs up.

"I mean it! I don't want you guys to think it's something I'm just saying to you all now that we might go to actual hell. You all made me so much the better person," Eleanor said. She had to wipe at the corner of her eye with the sleeve of Tahani's dress. Hopefully she wouldn't notice. "That or you've just made me somehow over confident to think that I've made any progress at all while also feeling bad about not being as perfect as the Cheedster," she said with a watery laugh.

"I don't have a perfect model set up for Chidi's system - revision four has some strange loops that are making my inner ear off kilter - but I think you should know Eleanor that your points for the past year in the afterlife would have been well over the threshold to remain out of the Bad Place," Janet offered cheerfully.

She quickly amended, "Plus or minus two thousand, depending on how you want to evaluate that business with manipulating your ex boyfriend through emotional trauma to better his own and his companion's ethical choices."

Michael waved his hands, hushing Janet before she could delve into the details. "The point is, Eleanor, we all know you've become a better person. And at the end of the day, no matter who helped, you're still the one who did all the work," he said.

"So be proud. I know we are."


End file.
